being twenty-something

I am a firm believer that e-mails are e-mails and that blogposts are blogposts. but just the same, im posting this email i received from someone who sent it to a yahoogroup where i'm a member because i feel that it would do many of us a great help. It was originally a chain letter that is why i was a little bit apprehensive to read it, at first. I do still have some second thoughts in my mind even now that i am posting it -- again, rule number 7 of blogposting: emails are emails, blogposts are blogposts.

i think it would be nice to know that we are not alone in this moment of our lives, when almost everything is a blur and we get ourselves lost in this cursed place many would call Limbo. and so, the decision of posting this pseudo-essay of a person whose identity i have no idea of, but is kind enough to send an unpretentious brief of the twenty-something condition.

i was reading the blog of a friend of mine and was chatting with him in YM on the night i posted this. It is amazing how articulate and honest the way he expressed what he had inside: "i feel......iffy....ahy....somebody shoot me." we try to look for that magic pill that would instantly take away all the anxiety, doubt and uncertainty. unfortunately, this is life and not a migraine, and solutions aren't sold in aspirin bottles. and as he have said it: "i feel...wala....labo...nde sad, nde happy, nde depressed...wala talaga. nde naman empty..nde naman ako bato....pero ngayon...wala lang." he adds, "nde ako suicidal, pero i never saw myself growing old. kaya i wanna achieve a lot ...not achieve in a medal sort of way. but i wanna be somebody na.... basta... i wanna be.... happy.... contented.... have people be happy as well...."

you're one of the people i look up to jay. have trust in your self. we will all get through this.

although i am aware that blaming one's age is a very simplistic if not naive way of looking at it, it is undeniable that the length of one's stay in the world usually coincides with the stages of one's growth. and a requisite of growth being the shit along the way. shit make good fertilizers, you know. and you usually find that special kind of shit at Street 21 and Avenue 43. (sorry, my metaphors are getting all mixed-up.)

i've edited some stuff and so what you will be reading is a modified version. i hope the owner of this essay / open letter doesn't sue me for copyright infringement. i would have put your name, dear author, if i only knew who you were. thank you for the wonderful insight.

***

Being Twenty-Something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom you become scared.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One-night-stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it.

We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.