afterthoughts

Sept. 3, 2005
(advance) happy birthday blog. one year na pala. makes you wonder how different things might have been.

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Aug. 23, 2005
He had been staring at the damn thing for 2 hours. How hard can it be, he had been asking himself incessantly, just pick up the phone and dial her number, it’s not that complicated, is it?

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Aug. 27, 2005
I don’t want it to be like this. I want it to be like… like… the truth is, I don’t know what I want anymore. All I have is this vague picture in my head, something great, something grand, something that I dream about endlessly – something perfect. It is something I want to write, but couldn’t. I always fall short. Always. Maybe, Sir was right, it’s just all blahblahblah.

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Sept. 1, 2005
Opus Dei and MLM’s have something in common, they force you to do things that you would otherwise not do by making you believe that what they offer you is all there is to the world. Was I really that naïve?

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Aug 29, 2005
currently listening to: The Company.

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Aug. 15, 2005
If he had just been sensitive, nothing of this would have happened. During times of great anxiety, he has always displayed a keen sense of knowing what the other person was thinking, what the other person felt and what the other person wanted. But this time, it is different. Being sensitive always requires someone to be presumptuous, and an assumption is the last thing he needed now. He remembers that it was exactly his misreading her actions which led to this stand-off. And so he decides: he shall wait.

***
Sept 2, 2005
he was told that his being evasive is where his problem lies. but the truth is, he was just trying to be self-effacing. he always believed that he never had the audacity of a journalist and certainly none of the adroitness of a poet. telling a story required both. without the first, one becomes abstruse and ambiguous, without the second, one becomes rude and tasteless. so what does lack of both make him? he didn’t know either. what he believed though is that he was tactful, the same neutrality of character as someone who writes essays. he calls it “defined vagueness”, when one works with the intention of calling attention to himself but without showing his face or at the most, revealing only a glimpse of it. come to think of it, it was not skill in words or in thought that was lacking in him, rather, it was confidence.